The Mechanizm of the Power Matrix Rivka Nardi, PhD Translated By Tal Nardi

I'll tell you two stories, seemingly not related. One tells of a man who used to cheat on his wife, and sometimes abuse her physically as well. The woman suffered much distress and felt ashamed that this was happening to her. She thought it would be better if she hid her shame from others. After years of torment and agony which only intensified with time, she could no longer contain herself and had the courage to tell her best friend, what she worked so hard to keep secret all these years. It wasn’t long before the man discovered that their secret was out in the open, and then informed his wife that he is leaving her for revealing their secret.  The innocent wife was stunned and proposed a solution; she wanted counseling,  begged for her life that he would not  leave her, what crime did she commit? She asked frightened and shocked. All she wanted was to unburden her pain with a friend. But he insisted – no and no. "If you had not told I would have stayed.
Because you did I'm leaving" and he left.

The second story tells of a dedicated employee who served in a senior position at a government institution. This employee discovered corruption occurring at the department where he works. His sense of justice did not give him any peace. The man thought – 'What do I do with this sensitive information? "Do I tell or do I ignore it, and if I tell,  Who shall I tell it to? And if I tell, would I get fired from my job for it?
I heard that it is customary in these places”, he thought bitterly. He did not sleep for many nights. He couldn’t stop thinking about it and finally decided to pass this  sensitive information to a journalist which writes about corruption investigations. He went and did that. His employers found out, the man was accused  severely of  leaking confidential materials and betrayal of trust.

In both these stories, although one takes place in the private sphere and the other in the public sphere, it seems that the code guidelines leading the people who make the decisions – to punish those who exposed the evils, is the power code. The power code is not new in the human society, on the contrary,it  is perhaps one of the oldest, most basic codes in the human experience. It is translated into a complete system of beliefs and behaviors "sitting" on the automatic human reactions – "fight" or "flight" in situations of danger. Danger is a crooked concept in the modern human society, given that in our days it is not  a predator attack in a dense forest that we are so fearful of, Now days the threat we that we are eager to avoid is a  psychological-existential threat – experienced by the person / institution / company  being threatened. The power code orders them to quickly remove out of the way any person or anything else that threatens that exposure of injustice that he/ they are responsible for.   They must do so since the exposure of their deeds  threatens their continued existence as they know it. The obvious question here – how and why this happens? Perhaps since the beginning of society, this same twisted logic of survival justifies, in the eyes of the wrong doer the continuing of his/her/their actions.

I received the inspiration for my answer from Katherine's  Stoke’s book,-"The help" (Translated from English by Nurit Levinson), (Modan Publishing, 2009), which tells how it is to be a black maid in Mississippi during the disorderly sixties – days of struggle for equal rights, a time when black people's lives  were worth less than the life of a street dog. 
The most enlightened white people did not think that there is a fault in separating the races, as some earlier generations of men and women who did not questioned slavery as part of the normative lifestyle. How? Why? Are people blind to injustice to such an extent? Indeed, except for the few who do see.  But  woe  to those few  if they dare  expose their thoughts, for they might put the entire social order  at risk. So it was between blacks and whites, women and men, conquerors and captives. Whoever has superior position in society determine the codes by which a complete society drives. If a person or company is in position of control long enough they truly believe that its "natural", it's right, this is the order of things in an enlightened society. And all the rest internalize what they are being fed day after day . And as more injustices increase, and the more weakened society groups are groaning under the yoke of injustice, more and more people in it feel helpless, powerless,  and sink into quiet acceptance of injustice. And as the belief of the ability to change get smaller, the tolerance for it widens, and grows and becomes second nature.  (See a fascinating study of a group of women who justify discrimination directed towards them by their partners in my book (in Hebrew, based on my dissertation) "Modern Couples in Storm", {Hakibutz Hmeuchad Publishers, 2003. } Yet, we can always find the few brave and courageous, who rebel the social order founded on power. They are those that mark the road to freedom and justice. So it is important we believe that we can change, it is important we learn to identify the evil signs of  power as expressed in everyday discourse, cunning and elusive and almost trivial. 

The following lines illustrate the power code translated to the same psychological dynamics, in the private and public sphere. I chose two situations that represent and produce potential power-plays in relationships : Man – Woman captive and conqueror. These examples borrowed from a lecture I gave along with my colleague and my partner Dr. Chen  Nardi on May 25, 2002 at the YMCA Jerusalem.

Here they are:

Say thank you
Woman: I do not see why I should drive the little Fiat, when you drive with the new Honda.
Man: You need the Honda to travel to the supermarket?  Look at your friends, do they have their own cars?  They’re depended on their husbands to drive them.  You have big eye, that's the real problem.  
A captive: We the Israeli Arabs are second-class citizens. Investments in education, infrastructure and health are much lower than in the Jewish sector. We demand equality. 
Conqueror: How dare you talk about discrimination? Look at your brothers in the conquered territories; you are millionaires compare to them. How ungrateful you are being. Look at the freedom you have. Assad killed thousands of Israeli citizens and not even one Syrian said a word. Look here, 13 Israeli Arabs killed in the demonstration that rioted and endangered the lives of soldiers and a full commission of inquiry is set up.

You are forcing me/us to punish you.
Woman: I do not understand how come you’ve decided that we're not going to the beach. After all, we promised the kids. Look how sad they are.
Man: Think about your behavior last night, how you spoke to me right in front my father.  Maybe then you’d understand why I have no intention of going  with to the beach or any other place for that matter.
Woman: But how are the kids to blame for this? Look at them.
Man: (turns to his kids) Ask your mother why we are not going. We are not going because of her. Ask your mother and she will tell you why, do you think I enjoy this?

Captive: You are giving us a collective punishment. The closure, the barricades and the checkpoints are all a part of the collective punishment you’re inflicting upon us. You are detaining entire cities. You prevent children from attending schools, pregnant  woman from getting to hospitals … because of you woman are miscarrying , and patients die from lack of treatment.
Conqueror: Go and complain to your leaders. Because of their stupidity you run war against us. And you force us to oppress you. And anyway, you think it's easy for us to do all these things. that we enjoy it? Do you have any idea how our soldiers suffer from standing at a checkpoint in the blazing sun and sitting in the tank for hours?  

This is not violence
Woman: you're violent towards me. I'm not going to take it anymore.
Man: What are you talking about? Did I once raise a hand on you?
Woman: Maybe you didn't raise a hand but you do not give me any money, you take my credit card, confiscating my car keys, you're threatening me about leaving home and you were unfaithful to me more than once. Last night when we argued and I wanted to leave the house, you blocked my exit from the room.
Man: It's not violence. Violence is beating you up and I never laid a hand on you. Maybe if I hit you would know what violence is. Read the newspapers and you will understand what a violent man is. Punching, slapping, this is violence. Shame on you.
Captive: you'll be punished for the war crimes that you’re committing in the occupied territories.
Conqueror: The Israeli army does not commit war crimes, period.
Captive: What is preventing medical aid from civilian population? What is killing children on their way to school? What is the demolishing of inhabitants houses in Rafiah and Jenin ?
Conqueror: What is the demolishing of inhabitants houses in Rafiah and Jenin? You call this a war crime? Have you watched television lately?  Have you seen what the Americans did in Afghanistan. They did not come with bulldozers. They erased whole villages by bombing from the air. They did not endanger their soldiers from house to house like us. What did they do to the native people? What did they do in Vietnam?

I / We also want independence
Woman: I want to go to school. I would have to be absent a lot in the evenings. It is important to me that you will return early from work so that the children won't stay with strangers.
Man: You’re not capable of handling everything you’re doing now, so on top of that you want to worry about school also? Career is important but first let the kids grow up. Now is not the time.
Captive: we want our own state.
Conqueror: This is not the time. You're not ready for a state. You have no democratic tradition. You cannot control terrorism. We will agree for a state when you are ready to act like a responsible country.

You get what you give
Woman: You're not doing anything at home. I can’t take it anymore.
Man: You think it’s a problem for me to do the dishes? Go shopping? But as long as you talk like this, I won't give you an award for it. First of all, talk nicely and stop screaming If you ask nicely, you will be answered nicely, period.

Captive: Only one thing can stop the terrorism. Ending the occupation and establishing a Palestinian state alongside Israel.
Conqueror: We said it already a few times: we are willing to give you a state. But first, stop the terrorism. Behave like humans, be reliable, fulfill the agreements,  and keep on reciprocity.

The logic in inflicting a systematic power mechanism, is not new and is familiar to many. But because of the fear that we might get hurt,most of us silence the voice of the rebel in us . On the contrary, Most of us learned to “accept and adjust” to the power code as a normative social mechanism, and that is why we do not wonder anymore when we see injustices done over and over again under our noses. We learned that this is the language that rules the world and if we want to adapt we must learn it as fast as possible. And so was born the "the chain of silence”  as a collective way to escape from taking responsibility for the injustice. That's the might of the power grid, the real matrix of the world, built like a labyrinth in order to keep us in. It's role in our society – to put our high consciousness to sleep, to frighten us so we keep silent. Yes, to silence the other voice which without, where will we be toady – the voice of compassion, voice of empathy for the suffering of others, the voice crying out for justice, the voice of human sanity. Will we go back and find the voice of compassion within us; will we have the courage and integrity to actively rise up against injustice? Let it be.